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100 Why Magic is Better than Sex

A wile ago I saw a list of why Magic is better than sex, so I thought I'd add my own reasons.

  1. You can cast fast effects after your opponent declares that they're done
  2. You can exchange cards without actually playing somebody
  3. If you drain all of your opponent's mana you don't have to be scared of what will happen in 9 months
  4. You're not totally wasted after a tournament
  5. The older your card, the more valuable it is
  6. When things aren't going your way, you can mana burn yourself
  7. You can have multiple decks without being called a polygamist
  8. You aren't made fun of if you play with someone of the same gender
  9. It's okay to say "Oops, I should have saved that"
  10. You can leave and come back and still be in the same place
  11. People are glad when you miss with your Chaos Orb
  12. It's easier to invent new variations
  13. Playing solitaire doesn't cause a mess
  14. If you play drunk you won't regret it in the morning
  15. Players may cut each other's decks beforehand and it won't affect play
  16. There are no CTD's (Card Transmitted Diseases)
  17. You can play on a table without breaking stuff
  18. You don't get in trouble for teaching little kids
  19. You can play during study hall and the teacher won't care
  20. You can carry your best creature in your backpack
  21. You don't have to look for your clothes after the game
  22. When you cheat, you just loose the game, not your partner
  23. It's easier to play two on two
  24. Or ten player free-for-alls
  25. It doesn't leave a funny after taste
  26. People selling magic give better deals than prostitutes
  27. It can be explained without flushes or giggles
  28. When you play for ante you can be sure that one of you will get another card (and not necessarily the female)
  29. You can resign without having to pay a divorce lawyer
  30. You can sneeze and nobody will care
  31. You can make up cards and play with them
  32. You don't get lipstick all over your face
  33. You can proxy cards so that nobody messes with them
  34. When you say "bite me" you don't have to be afraid that they'll take you literally
  35. You don't have to have a breath mint beforehand
  36. You can get cards in the mail
  37. You don't get splinters if you play on a picnic table
  38. Or rug burn on the floor
  39. Giant Growth really works
  40. Minors can buy the Duelist
  41. People are more open about strategy
  42. People don't grab you in an alley and force you to play Magic with them
  43. You don't have to change the plastic sleeve each time you play with a card
  44. Your friend can borrow your deck
  45. Parents will buy cards for their kids
  46. You can play Magic with a broken arm
  47. Pro-life people won't shoot you if you discard a creature
  48. The ethics committee doesn't investigate senators accused of playing Magic with minors/employees/anybody else who is not a spouse
  49. Nobody calls you sick if you stare at the pictures on the cards
  50. If you cast Fireballs it hurts your partner, but not you
  51. The Internet is not in danger of being censored because of people who post Magic related material
  52. It feels the same whether or not your opponent shaves their body hair
  53. Multi-player games are more organized than group orgies
  54. If you dream about Magic you don't mess up your bed
  55. Glasses of Urza are less expensive than ultrasounds
  56. YOUR mana makes creatures for YOU
  57. If you play with your enemy you don't have to worry about physical injuries
  58. You feel better if your Veteran Bodyguard takes the damage instead of you
  59. Hormone levels don't affect your interest
  60. It doesn't hurt if your opponent has lots of their body parts pierced
  61. You can bring creatures back from the dead
  62. You don't get covered in sweat
  63. It's easier to bet on a game of Magic
  64. You can play Magic with your legs crossed
  65. Adults can play with kids without it being statutory rape
  66. Your kids won't be traumatized if you play with them
  67. You can play with monks
  68. It feels the same if your partner weighs 50 pounds or 500 pounds
  69. People don't mind if you shuffle your deck in public
  70. Anybody will be able see any movies made about Magic
  71. People don't prefer to play people who have never played before
  72. You can play Magic while wearing a walkman
  73. Little kids don't have to ask their parents what a card is for
  74. You can play with someone who is having a period without making a mess
  75. You don't have to worry about falling off the bed in a wild game of Magic
  76. You don't get arrested if you kill everybody you play (in fact, that's what you're trying to do)
  77. There are lots more combinations
  78. You will never get a rash
  79. If someone says your deck is ugly, it's a compliment
  80. Your opponent can make you take off the plastic sleeves in a tournament, but nobody can make you put them on
  81. If you get tired of Magic there are other similar games
  82. Ice Age only games are fun
  83. There are programs written to make Magic easier to play over the Internet
  84. The police don't crack down on game stores where Magic is played
  85. Nobody minds if you watch
  86. It's much easier to analyze strategy
  87. There is a new expansion every couple of months
  88. Nobody labels you gross if you keep getting creatures from the graveyard
  89. You can make your deck bigger or smaller at will
  90. If you get a starter deck that is mangled, Wizards of the Coast will replace it
  91. It's possible to play two games of Magic at once
  92. You can get a deck for $8.00
  93. Fountain of Youth really works
  94. The Wizards of the Coast customer service line is not a 1-900 number
  95. You decide EXACTLY when you are going to summon a creature
  96. There is a national Magic champion
  97. It's not dangerous to play on cement
  98. Nobody is embarrassed if someone walks in on a game of Magic
  99. There is no question about who wins a game of Magic
  100. If it wasnn't, you wouldn't be reading this rather than pornography

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Last modified by Trevor Stone